Last night, I asked my body to please help me wake up. She's been sleeping a lot lately. I still am not sure why, but I have decided to leave more of my life up to mystery. I am a curious soul, but when it detracts from my experience, when it makes me overanalyze and stress about the smallest things, I think that those are the questions better left unanswered. Why has she been sleeping so much? Because she is tired. I'll leave it at that.
So this morning, she woke me up before my alarm. Granted, I did make sure to go to bed by 9:30pm and so that gave her ample time to sleep until 6:15am...but the important thing is she woke up. She listens to me. And I try very hard to listen to her.
So, I sat under my light and did my morning pages. My morning pages were full of excitement and promise. I have a very exciting semester ahead of me. But the important message flowing out from my early-morning-stream-of-consciousness is that all this possibility is mine and I can do with it as I please. I can choose to spend my time working too hard and stressing out, or I can take my time, do yoga, meditate, eat and contemplate on a regular basis. There is so much hope and promise for this spring.
Dancing with the shakti. This is my intention. The shakti has recently brought me to some sacred yoga texts and has invited me to take a deeper look at my life and how I live it. I tend to be very impatient. I often skim the surface of things that interest me. I am learning through my sadhana (spiritual practice) that I can experience so much more, when I take my time. The sweetness of my breath is best experienced through more than a few seconds of reflection. Fully experiencing an asana is best experienced if I spend more than one breath in the pose. Studying probability doesn't occur overnight and learning the methods of econometrics is not a see it once and get it sort of thing. My sadhana is helping me to become an expert. An expert in both the academic sphere of my life and also in the inner sphere of my life.
It is becoming clear to me that the path that I am on is a path of reflection and juicy, deep experience. It is key for me to take the time to delve in with all my heart. As a gemini, I like to explore and learn as quickly as I can, but I have discovered that that isn't learning at all.
After these reflections in my morning pages, I began to read the Radiance Sutras. Man am I in love! Where have these been all my life! Oh, I'm just 27 years old...I am so blessed to have discovered them so young! I know that I want to drink it all up, but that I really just need to take my time with these sacred texts. So I read about 10 sutras and came across the one I think I'd like to reflect upon for a few months. I think this is my sutra for the spring. I think this will inform my plan for my yoga classes this semester.
Radiance Sutra 26Then I did a class with my favorite yogaglo teacher, Marc Holtzman. He talked about "Celebrating your Alive Day." He spoke about how divine consciousness chooses to celebrate an Alive Day with each one of us, by manifesting as each one of us. How do you celebrate your Alive Day?
hridyam akasha nilinakshah
padma samputa madhyagah
ananya chetah subhage
param saubhagyam apnuyat
The One Who Is at Play Everywhere says,
There is a space in the heart where everything meets.
Come here if you want to find me.
Mind, senses, soul, eternity - all are here.
Are you here?
Enter the bowl of vastness that is the heart.
Listen to the song that is always resonating.
Give yourself to it with total abandon.
Quiet ecstasy is here -
And a steady, regal sense
Of resting in a perfect spot.
You who are the embodiment of blessing,
Once you know the way,
The nature of attention will call you to return.
Again and again, answer that call,
And be saturated with knowing,
"I belong here, I am at home."
After asana, I sat for meditation on sutra 26. I find it so fascinating that the shakti brought me to this one. I've read it so many times already and I can't get anough. When I first moved to Ithaca, one of my mantras was "I am at home." And I find myself also meditating on my body having a home so it doesn't need to build a home with excess body-weight. I am at home in my heart. Wherever I am, I am at home. I also love the line "You who are the embodiment of blessing." As I reflect upon the blessings of this life, it is very fitting to be called the embodiment of blessing. I love that.
So I am intending to make each day my Alive Day. I am intending to be home in my heart. I am intending to fully experience being the embodiment of blessing.
Don't take a single breath for granted. <3